


*insert punny title here*

by FoundFandomFamilies



Category: Deltarune (Video Game), Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: (Because I don't know what I’m doing), Alternate Universe - Human, F/F, F/M, Honestly chief I don’t even know what this is, I don't even know if you'd get this honestly, If you chucked a bunch of angst fluff and bullshit into a pot, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, but we'll see, chat fic
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-10-12
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2020-12-13 15:50:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21000236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FoundFandomFamilies/pseuds/FoundFandomFamilies
Summary: WhenYouFishUponAStar: Pap, Pap, Who took you under your wing huh? Who showed you the ropes when you first moved here?!SaltAndPappy: You mean when you almost dislocated my shoulder by dragging me around for three hours and then gave me a monopoly $5 with your phone number before running off without even giving me your name?WhenYouFishUponAStar: ...YesSaltAndPappy: Okay just clarifying!ShakeShakeShakeSansora: pap i literally raised youShakeShakeShakeSansora: don't make a mistake you’ll regret hereWhenYouFishUponAStar: Sans is subtly implying he’s going to Unraise you Papyrus do you really want to trust that kind of person with thisShakeShakeShakeSansora: says the person who threatened to decapiate both of us literally an hour agoWhenYouFishUponAStar: Yes but I’m open about my death promisesShakeShakeShakeSansora: ...you mean threats rightWhenYouFishUponAStar: ...sureeeeSaltAndPappy: Guys I can't pickSaltAndPappy: I'm just going to donate it to charityWhenYouFishUponAStar: DON'T YOU DARE YOU HEARTLESS MONSTERShakeShakeShakeSansora: can't believe I raised a cowardSaltAndPappy: ...nYEEEEEEEH-





	1. Chapter ????

**Author's Note:**

> This chapter is just like, a trial run!!! If y’all like this, please let me know! If things work out, the next chapter will be the actual offical first chapter. I just wanna know if like, anyone is actually gonna be interested in this before I get invested heh  
For now, take this bullshit

**Chat Name: Hot Pants BabY**

  
**Members Online: 2**

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall:** Pap

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: Pap why the fuck are you awake

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: Pap it’s four in the morning

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: Pap blease

**NYEH****INTENSIFIES**: Who is this Pap you speak of

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: ,,,

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: OH GREAT AND WONDERFUL PAPYRUS, PLEASE DO INFORM THIS HUMBLE COMMONER TO THE WHYETH OF YOUR AWAKENESS

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: Well that’s just condescending

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: PAPYRUS

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: WHY AWAKE

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: Is anyone ever truly awake

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: Understandable, have a nice day

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: ...but seriously what are you doing

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: SIGH

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: If you must know Undyne, I’m attempting to mind meld with a Rubik's Cube

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: Ooo!! Those are those colourful block things you like right? Nice!

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: Correct! And as we all know

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: My brother Sans is a genetic freak of nature who uses his otherworldly powers to be unnervingly good at them and I am determined to triumph over him in glorious battle so no one ever doubts my position as Alpha Sibling again

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: I shall use my skills of psychic telecommunication to become one with cube, thus making me an unstoppable Rubik's Cube GOD. I shall ascend from my mortal prison and RISE!!! RISE TO ULTIMATE POWER!!! EVERYONE WILL KNEEL BEFORE ME AND SANS WILL TREMBLE IN FEAR AT THE MERE THOUGHT OF MY ABILITY! NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH!!!

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: ...So Sans keeps beating you huh?

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: I just don’t understand how he’s so fast okay?!

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: I never even got what was so hard about those stupid things. All you gotta do is pull the colours off and jam them back in the right spots

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: I don’t think that’s how it works

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: Preeeetty sure it is

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: Welllllllll

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh whatever

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: Agree to disagree. Point is, you should be sleeping dude, not trying to fuse with a baby puzzle

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: First of all: Rubik's Cubes are not baby puzzles, they are professional adult puzzles for professional adults

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: Oh Yes, the repeated use of adult there is very convincing

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: SECOND OF ALL: Why are you awake then?

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: It’s that stupid fucking cat again, it’s yoewling outside like someone’s strangling it, and if it doesn’t stop someone WILL be strangling it

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: Have tried asking it politely to quiet down?

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: Pap, you remember those scratch marks on my face that made me have to wear a bargain bin eyepatch for a week?

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: Why Yes! I do recall that!

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: You had quite a lot of fun traumatising passing children with various untrue gorey stories in how you got it

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: YEAH

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: WELL

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: THE ONE ABOUT A DEMON BRUTALLY SLASHING AT ME IS BASICALLY 100% FACTUAL

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: I swear, I’m calling the pound on this hell beast one day, just you wait

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: Yes well, let’s hope the “demon” doesn’t violently eat you alive in your sleep first, yes?

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: Pfft, for that I’d actually ya know, have to be getting sleep!

**Members Online: 3**

**sans**: which you know...you two are totally not preventing a certain someone from doing by spamming the group chat instead of your private messages…

**sans**: also nice evil plot paps

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: Why thank you brother! I hope you are prepared to be vanquished in the near future!

**sans**: lookin forward to it bro

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: Dude, Why don’t you have us on s i l e n t if you want to sleep?

**sans**: because i didn’t expect to be spammed at four in the morning about cat murder?

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: Yeah well, that’s on you isn’t it

**sans**: good point

**sans**: but also like...you two banned me from putting my phone on silent

**sans**: remember

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: Oh god yeah

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: Because of The I n c i d e n t

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: We agreed to never speak of that

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: But wait, Sans! You actually listened to us?

**sans**: course bro.

**sans**: i am kind of regretting my brotherly loyalty now though

**sans**: you two do realise some people actually have jobs they gotta go to right

**sans**: people being you know...me

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: It’s Sunday Sans, you don’t have work til Monday

**sans**: i know. and i gotta save all my energy up for then. now I gotta sleep in all day to make up for it

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: Okay well it’s not as though you weren’t going to do that anyways

**sans**: …

**sans**: got me there bro

**sans**: got me there


	2. Chapter One: The Rock

**Members Online: 3**

**69 unread messages**

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: Manga is literature Sans!

**sans**: it totally isn’t 

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: IS

**sans**: isn’t 

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: I S

**sans**: …

**sans**: is it r e a l l y tho

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: YES

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: SANS

**sans**: yo

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: FUCK Y-Oh hi Papyrus

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: EXPLAIN (Hello Undyne!)

**NYEHINTENSIFIES sent a photo: It’s a black and white filtered photo of a rock sitting on a plate on a table. The rock seems perfectly ordinary and bland in every form of the word, and it’s a stark contrast against everything else around it. Namingly the intimidating stack of puzzle books that look like it’s threatening to topple over and what seems to be the remains of a war torn Rubik's Cube. Papyrus has also put three question marks in bright glittery red text above the rock.**

**sans**: well you see bro, that there is called a rock, one of nature’s finest creations

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: I KNOW WHAT A ROCK IS SANS

**sans**: do you  
  


**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: Do you 

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: I DO! I KNOW THEY ARE MADE OF MINERALS, SHOULD NOT BE EATEN AND DO NOT BELONG IN HOUSES

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: Well jury’s still out on the second one

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: Undyne no

**sans**: well that’s where you’re wrong bro

**sans**: you’re talking about wild rocks

**sans**: that, brother of mine, is a pet rock

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: So I can eat this one

**sans**: sure why not

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: NO

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: Please do not listen to my brother!!!

**sans**: good life advice there

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: Well now I’m conflicted between my deep urges to vore rocks and my instincts of never listening to Sans, like, ever

**sans**: it’s really telling that you’ve known me for less than a month and that’s already an instinct 

**sans**: also never say vore ever again

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: You leave such wonderful impressions on people Sans

**sans**: it’s a talent

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: Back to the topic at hand though, please explain what a “pet" rock is

**sans**: well.

**sans**: you see.

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: I’m on the edge of my metaphorical seat

**sans**: it’s a rock

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: Yeeeeeeeees?

**sans**: that is

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: Spit it out nerd

**sans**: a pet

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: ,,,

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: Fuck you

**sans**: hard pass

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: Sans are you really going to insist on keeping it

**sans**: aw come on bro, you’re the one that said a pet would help make our new place feel more homey!

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: Yes! But I was thinking more in terms of a goldfish, or a very polite frog

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: I think a pet rock suits you two

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: Really?

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: No, I think I’ve just finally gone numb to your antics and I’m just rolling with it now

**sans**: pretty bold claim for someone who caused twice as much havoc around town before we even moved here

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: So I traumatised a few old ladies, details details

**sans**: i was actually not referring to any old ladies related hijinks, and i am now very curious as to what you’re talking about 

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: Alternate point, you forget I even said that and I don’t smash your face in

**sans**: 

**sans**: seems fair

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: Clever boy

**sans**: don’t mock me

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: Don’t make it so easy then

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: Normally I would be all for witnessing this banter go down, but can we please get back to discussing how my brother has managed to reach a point in his life where bringing home a pet rock is a perfectly sane and logical thing for him to do

**sans**: well i was hardly going to bring home a pet boulder, imagine the size of the bed we’d need for one of those!

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: Sans you didn’t even give the rock a bed

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: You just put it on a plate and called it a day

**sans**: in my defence, i at least cleaned it 

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: Congratulations on doing the bare minimum brother

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: You didn’t perchance happen to clean the rest of the dishes?

**sans:** now let’s not get crazy 

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: Oh

**AnywaysHeresWaterall**: Oh we’re only just /now/ getting crazy

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: Good to know

~~~~

Papyrus bites his lip, eyes scanning the contents of their cupboard. 

  
_What do rocks even eat?_

  
“_**Recent Disappearances-Todd Ple-Next question to a million-According to all-Call now to get your-Turn the heat up to-“**_

  
“Sans, would you quit that?!” Papyrus snaps finally, leaning back to glare into the lounge room. Sans' hand that isn’t flicking aimlessly through the channels pops up from the back of the couch and gives him a thumbs up. 

  
However, the channel clicking continues.

  
“Sans, why must this be the one time in your life that you fail to comprehend stopping doing something?” Papyrus sighs, trying to focus on searching. _Sprinkles maybe? _  
  
“Cause I’m just a delight," Sans practically chirps back, but Papyrus does note that he at least turns the volume down for him. So common decency wasn’t yet to be completely thrown out the window by his darling sibling. Good to know.

  
“Delightfully unorganised, thats for sure!” Papyrus yells back, eyebrows raised in further bewilderment as he takes in the state of their cupboard, “Did you seriously put a tub of ice cream in here, it’s going to melt-“  
“Nah, don’t worry, it’s not actually cream,” Sans reassures, his hand giving him a little wave, “I just use it to store ketchup packets.”  
“...you’re a mess brother.”

  
“Hey, free hand outs are free hand outs," He tries to defend, but Papyrus just shakes his head and empties out the tub onto the kitchen bench. Hundreds of packets tumble out in the most saddest waterfall Papyrus has ever seen. Considering they’d only been living here for a short period of time, his brother was either a serial ketchup stealer, or had brought these with him from their last place of living. Papyrus wasn’t quite sure what was worse. 

  
The sound of his precious condiments being scattered was enough to properly gain Sans’s attention at least, as his older brother finally pops his head up from the couch, and his expression is half heartedly offended. Papyrus reframes from sighing once again.   
He honestly wasn’t sure why he continued his missions of trying to get his brother to look semi-presentable in the mornings, since whenever his brother got home his efforts always seemed to be erased. Sans' hair was always naturally messy, as was Papyrus', but unlike Papyrus, Sans rarely made an attempt to tame it, even on a good day. On a bad day however, it was just ridiculous. Papyrus could barely even see his brothers eyes under the thick greasy curls, and he probably could have been convinced that he didn’t have any sleep at all, if his large bags under his eyes weren’t such a big give away. His hoodie partly helped, hiding away the definitely present fly away curls, but it also cast a shadow over him that made his brother look like something that emerged from the dirt, not a living human being. Sans notices Papyrus’s disappointed staring and shrugs.

  
“Long day?” He tries, causing Papyrus to run a hand through his own hair.

  
“I do wish you would take better care of yourself brother," He just says, causing Sans to slump and flop his head down on the back on the couch. Papyrus wouldn’t go as far as to say he was pouting, but, ...well...

  
“Yeah, yeah, I know,” Sans grumbles, before looking up once more, “But, you should follow that same advice if you’re gonna preach it at me all the time. At Papyrus’s confused eyebrow raise, Sans tilts his head meaningfully at him, “I heard you up again last night. What time did you get to sleep?”

Papyrus's face heats up, and he looks away. He can still feel Sans’s unwavering icy stare however, and honestly if anything, looking away just made it worse. Sans did many things that were unexpected, but one of the constants Papyrus could always expect from his brother was his unnerving ability to stare right into someone’s soul. 

  
“I-It’s unimportant.” Papyrus settles finally on saying, and Sans’s “tch” tells all he needs to know on what his brother thinks of it. He doesn’t press however.

  
“Sure, Pap.” 

  
Papyrus feels himself clench his fists and quickly busies himself with putting the ketchup packets back into the ice cream tub for something to do. Honestly, he doesn’t know what was wrong with him. Sans’s disappointed tone should not still have such an affect on him. He wasn’t a child anymore, he wasn’t even a teenager! Sans was barely older than him anyways…

  
“What’s the plan for the Great Papyrus tonight, anyways?” Sans finally pipes up again, and when Papyrus looks back over, he does seem genuinely curious. Apologetic even. Enough for Papyrus to decide to let him off the hook at least. 

  
“Undyne invited me over to play, uh, Smashing Fighters, I think it was?” Papyrus was self aware enough to admit that he didn’t really know much about video games. He’d accepted the invitation without hesitation, of course, any excuse to hang out with his new friend, (Were they friends though? Really? Undyne was probably just hanging out with him because she was still wanting to help him fit in. Most likely when she thought he was “settled” enough in to town, she’d leave...) but he couldn’t help the niggling sense of anxiety it had that this would end terribly because of his lack of knowledge. He knew Undyne wasn’t the type to judge someone over these sorts of things but _what if-_

  
Sans coughs.

  
“The offer has been extended to you, by the way,” Papyrus says finally, face heating up when he realised that he’d gotten lost in his thoughts, “Something about Undyne wanting you to put your money where your mouth is about something?” Sans’s face twitches into a grin, but he shakes his head.

  
“Nah, you kids have fun. I’ve got a date," Papyrus pauses, before staring dead pan at his brother.

  
“Is it with the TV?"

  
“Yep.”

  
Papyrus groans and shakes his head, while his brother snickers, gently shaking out some rainbow sprinkles onto the rock. 

  
It _did_ liven up the place a little.

”I think we should call it Rocky.”

”Absolutely not Sans.”


	3. And they were lesbians

**The Thots (TM) ((No Sanses Allowed!!!)) (((Unless they ask nicely!))) ((((NOT EVEN IF THEY ASK NICELY!!!))))**

**Members Online 2**

**MakeArsonNotHate**: Paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaap

**PAPULAR**: Sorry, can’t talk I lost my phone

**MakeArsonNotHate**: Oh okay let me know when you find it 

**MakeArsonNotHate**: 

**MakeArsonNotHate**: Listen here you little shit

**PAPULAR**: Apologies 

**MakeArsonNotHate**: PfFT you’re not sorry at all and we both know it

**PAPULAR**: Maybe so

**PAPULAR**: Hilarious japes aside, what is bothering you friend Undyne?

**MakeArsonNotHate**: What are you, fucking Thor??

**PAPULAR**: shrug

**PAPULAR**: I'll never tell

**MakeArsonNotHate**: ok himbo 

**MakeArsonNotHate**: ANYWAYS

**MakeArsonNotHate**: Talk to me

**MakeArsonNotHate**: I’m boooooreeed

**PAPULAR**: Undyne I’m doing very important intellectual stuff right now

**MakeArsonNotHate**: I can literally see that you’re playing Stardew Valley on Discord

**PAPULAR**: THOSE POTATOES WON’T PLANT THEMSELVES UNDYNE

**MakeArsonNotHate**: Dude you’re not even playing it right

**MakeArsonNotHate**: You always try make a super efficient farm or whatever instead of you know, the point of the game

**PAPULAR**: Undyne for the last time I’m not making a harem

**MakeArsonNotHate**: OKAY BUT WHY NOT

**MakeArsonNotHate**: God, why am I even trying to get you into video games if you’re only gonna be a snorefest smh

**PAPULAR**: Efficiency is not a snorefest thank you very much!

**PAPULAR**: Also I like “cool” games too!!!

**PAPULAR**: I quite enjoyed that coloured square one we played last night!

**MakeArsonNotHate**: You mean Tetris 

**PAPULAR**: Yes! It was very captivating!

**MakeArsonNotHate**: Never change Pap

**MakeArsonNotHate**: Never change

**MakeArsonNotHate**: A N Y W A Y S

**MakeArsonNotHate**: How are things???

**MakeArsonNotHate**: What is new in the world of Papyrus?

**PAPULAR**: Well, Rocky is doing well!

**MakeArsonNotHate**: Rocky? 

**PAPULAR**: Fuck did I really

  
**MakeArsonNotHate: **?!?!

**PAPULAR**: D a m n I t

**PAPULAR**: It was what Sans decided to dub our newest house member, I despise it

**MakeArsonNotHate**: And yet,,,

**PAPULAR**: Never underestimate Sans' ability to get you to subconsciously do what he wants

**PAPULAR**: He’s a complete bastard when it comes to that

**MakeArsonNotHate**: AHJSBHUSNAINAKS

**MakeArsonNotHate**: Okay but side note, it never fails to amuse the fuck out of me how much you swear in private messages 

**MakeArsonNotHate**: What's with that anyways, Sans doesn't like you swearing or something?

**PAPULAR**: No, if anything it’s cause I don’t want to give him the satisfaction 

**MakeArsonNotHate**: You don’t really swear much IRL either tho, even when Sans isn’t there

**MakeArsonNotHate**: Well, aside from when last nights Tetris session got real

**PAPULAR**: Well, I simply find that swearing affects different people differently

**PAPULAR**: So, while I personally believe it is only negative when you intentionally use it negatively, others might not see it that way

**PAPULAR**: So I try to keep my language clean unless I know I’m with someone who is okay with it! I believe you shouldn’t swear in public regardless of your company anyways, because there could be smaller humans around! 

**PAPULAR**: Also, I don’t want to give Sans the fucking satisfaction 

**MakeArsonNotHate**: Cheers I’ll drink to that bro

**PAPULAR**: What about you Undyne? How are your fishes?

**MakeArsonNotHate**: Sushi and Naruto are fantastic as always, but I had to move them this morning so they are v e r y grumpy

**PAPULAR**: Oh? Why’s that?

**MakeArsonNotHate**: It’s that fucking cat! It’s managed to get up to my apartment window still and it was making "I’m gonna vore you" eyes at my beautiful children

**PAPULAR**: Oh no!!!

**PAPULAR**: Also will you ever stop making vore jokes,,,

**MakeArsonNotHate**: I'll die first

**MakeArsonNotHate**: No but yeah, I just knew that fucking demon would figure out how to open that latch one day, and then bye bye fighting fish friends, hello law suit!

**PAPULAR**: Undyne you can’t sue cats

**MakeArsonNotHate**: TELL THAT TO MY E M O T I O N A L D A M A G E S P A P Y R U S

**MakeArsonNotHate**: Mark my words Pap, I shall vanquish this nemesis 

**PAPULAR**: So long as you’re not planning on actually harming the fuzzy thing, count me in!!!

**PAPULAR**: Did it really scratch your eye that one time though, Undyne?

**MakeArsonNotHate**: YES! It’s fucking feral I’m telling you

**PAPULAR**: And you had done absolutely nothing to provoke it?

**MakeArsonNotHate**: ...I might have been drunk when it happened

**PAPULAR**: Oh yes then I’m sure a very drunk angry woman stumbling into its alleyway wouldn’t of upset a poor cat in the slightest

**MakeArsonNotHate**: Exactly!

**MakeArsonNotHate**: Besides, since I can't remember, it’s plausible deniability, hah!

**PAPULAR**: That might not be correct but I don’t know enough about law to dispute it

**MakeArsonNotHate**: Exactly

**MakeArsonNotHate**: What are you doing tonight anyways? We’re still on for the jog right?

**PAPULAR**: Oh no!!! Oh, Undyne, I’m so sorry I forgot to tell you, I’m going to have to cancel on you tonight!

**PAPULAR**: I’d forgotten that I’d promised Sans I’d go to Grillby's. Oh please forgive me!

**MakeArsonNotHate**: Damn Pap chillax it’s fine  
  


**MakeArsonNotHate**: Great then! Means I don’t have to hold back and slow dow for once

**PAPULAR**: How dare you, I’ll have you know I’m an excellent Jog Boy!

**MakeArsonNotHate**: Sure Punk, sure

**MakeArsonNotHate**: Grillby’s though huh? I’m surprised at you Pap, I thought you hated greasy food

**PAPULAR**: I do! It’s just, my brothers been working so hard lately, I feel like I owe it to him

**PAPULAR**: Plus, while I don’t approve of the menus choices, I can’t deny that going there seems to make my brother happy, so if putting up with overly greasy hamburgers for one night is what it takes, I’ll do it

**MakeArsonNotHate**: ...God you’re such a marshmallow Paps

**PAPULAR**: I AM NOT AN EASILY MELTABLE CONFECTIONARY

**MakeArsonNotHate**: ARE TOO

**PAPULAR**: A R E N O T

**MakeArsonNotHate**: Papyrus is a marshmallow Papyrus is a marshmallow~

**PAPULAR**: Why am I even friends with you, you’re worse than Sans!

**MakeArsonNotHate**: You love meeeee

~~~

  
Undyne lets out a whoop as the paper bag sails and lands perfectly in the trash, shooting a cocky thumbs up as she jogs past the astonished couple who’d watched her. Chuckling at their shock, she turns her attention back to the sun set ahead of her, savouring watching it dip behind the forest ahead and paint the sky in rich reds and yellows. She wasn’t sure why, but something about seeing it never gets old, even after all this time. It just felt almost too wondrous to be real. 

It was darker than usual today, and the sun much lower by the time she reached her street, which made sense. It was late, much later than when she usually gets home, but the snap decision to get snacks had been totally worth it. 

Her stomach wasn’t particularly happy with her, but that was her stomach’s problem! It’ll think again next time it decides to try to dictate when she can and can't stop for donuts, fuhuhhuh!

Undyne sees the familiar front of her apartment complex, and slowly comes to a halt. She grins, and takes a moment to stretch out, tired but happy.

“Man, that was a good one, hey Pap-?" Undyne starts, before cutting herself off, “Oh wait, yeah, pff, Pap’s not here….”

She shakes her head, laughing to herself, “heats playing tricks on me.”

It...probably wasn’t the heat though, and she knew it. She’d gotten used to the nerd. She’d grown fond. Surprisingly quickly too!

Hell, they’d barely even known each other for a month and the guy has somehow managed to assert himself so naturally into her own life that she could have convinced herself that he’d been there the whole time. Papyrus has even started coming on these jogs with her, jogs that had started out as just a way for her to get away from it all! She’d never dreamed of having a buddy to do them with, let alone someone just as passionate about things as her. He’d managed to turn what was originally just part of her routine into...something else. Something nice, to look forward to. Papyrus had that way with a lot of things. 

Damn it, he was just too good...

Maybe she’d just been lonely. Maybe that’s why they’d clicked so quick. Maybe that’s why she suddenly felt so off kilter now because of him not being there, despite her doing this jog alone for so many years prior. She’d grown used to the company after missing it for so long…

“God, pull yourself together Undyne,” She growls, slapping herself, “what are you even doing huh? One smiley idiot comes into your life and look at you, you’ve gone soft-“

“N-Now look here Mew Mew! I-I know we’re not on the best of terms, but, I really think that after all this time I at least deserve t-to see you! ...Please? Milk isn’t cheap you know…”

Undyne freezes, mid turn of the door handle, curiosity immediately engulfing her. Was there someone else out? It sounded like it was coming from the alleyway…

Undyne hesitates, only for a very brief moment, before hopping off the steps and poking her head into the alleyway, careful to not make a noise. You never knew what kind of weirdos hung around alleyway at this time of night after all.

The alleyway is the same as it’s always been, all concerningly full bins of flowers and colourful graffiti. The lady however, is new. Undyne mustn’t of been a stealthy as she thought, because startled eyes briefly glance over to hers and-

_Oh_.

Apparently incredibly _cute_ weirdos did.

Undyne immediately zips back around the wall, heart pounding and face no longer just red from the run. 

“U-uh, hello? Was someone there?” The nervous voice calls, and, _damn it even her voice is cute?! Not fair! Also wait, has she heard it somewhere before? She could of sworn that-_

_”_M-maybe I was seeing things...I should be getting home anyways, this was a waste of time...”

_Right, okay, don’t loose your chance, keep it cool Undyne. Keep it chill. You got this._

Undyne runs a hand through her hair, pushing some stray red strands back, and takes a deep breath. Here goes nothing. If all fails, at least she’ll have a funny story to tell Papyrus right? Right! Nothing to freak about! _Nooooothiiiing_-

** _Damn it idiot just go around the corner and say something-_ **

“HEY DIDN’T SEE YOU THERE! YOU COME HERE OFTEN?!”

  
** _FUCK-_ **

The lady squeals in surprise and stumbles back, nearly falling over if not for her saving herself at the last minute on the dumpster. She looks at Undyne with a wide breathless expression whilst Undyne screams internally.

”Shit sorry that wasn’t-fuck-“

As Undyne contemplates slamming her head against the bricks and ending it right then and there, the mystery woman snaps out of her shock and giggles, half hiding her face in her sweater vest. Her other small hand is holding onto a...carton of milk? Eh, Undyne’s seen stranger.

“H-hey?” She replies nervously, before something like...recognition? flashes in her eyes, “Oh! You’re-“ she cuts herself off, seeming to think better of herself, “you’re…Hi.” She finishes, then cringes. As her freckled face continues to flush an even brighter pink at an alarming rate, Undyne manages to pull herself together, for both their sakes.

“I am so so sorry, didn’t mean to startle you,” Undyne rubs the back of her neck awkwardly, “I don’t know what came over me-“

“I-it’s fine!” The lady interrupts, before flushing further, “S-sorry! I didn’t mean to-“

“It’s fine, it’s my fault-“

“No I shouldn’t of-“

“...”

“...”

They both look away from each other. Undyne glares at her runners. This was a mistake.

“I should go," Undyne says finally, laughing a little and jabbing over her shoulder with her thumb, “sorry-“

“No, no! Don’t go!” The lady yells, before recoiling like she hadn't expected that outburst from herself, “I mean, no, you can...stay if you want…in this...alleyway...” she glances around her, “w-what am I saying…", the lady groans and puts her head in her hands, Undyne watching worriedly as she slides down the brick wall and slumps against a dumpster. The thing had already come up to her shoulders when she was standing, so now it was completely concealing her.

Undyne should...leave. She didn’t know her after all, and she didn’t know Undyne! This wasn’t any of her business!

But... 

  
Something was urging her to stay.

And not just the fact that something about this chick seemed surprisingly...familiar to her.

Undyne plops down on the opposite side of the dumpster with a sigh, wiping away some leftover sweat and softly thumping her head back against the cool brick. The lady makes a noise of surprise, before they drift back into silence. It’s a nice silence, actually, but Undyne can’t hold it for long.

“I’m Undyne, by the way. Nice to meet you.”

“...Alphys. It’s nice to meet you too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my god they were lesbians
> 
> Shitty jokes aside, hello! Guess who's finally continuing this! That’s right, it’s me,
> 
> Sans Undertale-
> 
> Hope you like these chapters and that the text fic to written fic thing wasn’t too weird, I’m just trying shit out honestly. Leave a comment if you want and all that junk? I dunno what I’m supposed to say here
> 
> Thanks for reading! I’m gonna try do a weekly update thing from now on, but it’s not set in stone. I’ll try though! We can only dream can’t we 
> 
> Stay Determined Fuckers, peace


	4. Is this, how the kids say, Underswap?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A friend of mine told me I should include the AUs in this story or else there’s no point  
So this one goes out to you bud, hope it’s exaaaactly what you asked for

**Member Online: 3**

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: FUCK I JUST GOT LEMON JUICE IN MY FUCKING EYE

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: ITS THE SAME ONE THE DEMON SCRATCHED WHAT THE FUCK

**sans**: its a sign

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: FUCK YOU ITS A SIGN ITS BURNING THATS WHAT IT IS

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: WHY ARE YOU TEXTING INSTEAD OF RUNNING IT UNDER COLD WATER OR SOMETHING UNDYNE PLEASE

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: EXCUSE YOU IM FUCKING DYING I DONT NEED YOUR CRITICISM 

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: YOU DON’T, EXACTLY, YOU SHOULD BE TAKING CARE OF IT, MEANING YOU WOULDN'T EVEN BEING SEEING THIS IF YOU WERE OH MY GOD

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: SHUT THE FUCK UP PAPYRUS IM DYING AND YOU DON’T EVEN CARE

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: THEN S T O P TEXTING AND FIX IT HOLY SHIT

**sans**: i love coming home from the calm of work to the chaos at home

**sans**: it really helps me get up in the morning

**sans**: knowing i get to go to work

**sans**: where i don’t have to worry about papyrus’s friends blinding themselves at any moment 

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: OH GOD I THINK I GOT LEMON IN MY EYES AS WELL 

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: BECAUSE I COULD'VE SWORN I JUST SAW MY BROTHER SAY HE MISSED WORK

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: WHAT IS THIS HELL

**sans**: how’d lemon juice even get near your eyes anyways

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: I’M TAKING THIS SILENCE AS A SIGN THAT YOU ARE ACTUALLY TRYING TO FIX THIS UNDYNE INSTEAD OF MESSAGING, I APPROVE

**sans**: why are you still in all caps bro

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: I AM MUCH TOO WORKED UP TO TURN IT OFF

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: PLUS I FEEL LIKE IT PERFECTLY ENCAPSULATES MY PRESENT STATE ANYWAYS SO I'M NOT TURNING IT OFF

**sans**: so, you’re being lazy in other words

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: …

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: OH GOD WHAT TIMELINE IS THIS

**sans**: I don’t know what to tell you Paps

**sans**: i guess you’re the lazy puns guy now 

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: NOOOOOOO

**sans**: you’re gonna have to start wearing the same hoodie every single day

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: OH GOD

  
**sans: **you gotta start drinking ketchup now too

**NYEHINTENSIFIES: **ABSOLUTELY NOT

**sans: **honey then

**NYEHINTENSIFIES: **WHY WOULD I DRINK HONEY

**sans:** i dunno it just seemed like the logical leap from ketchup, obviously

**NYEHINTENSIFIES: **THAT MAKES NO SENSE

**sans**: hmm, no more afternoon jogs either now i think about it

**sans**: you’re gonna be napping all night and all day

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: PLEASE STOP THIS TORTURE

**sans**: you can’t escape the nap zone papy 

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: Sans we talked about this don’t call me Papy, it’s infantile

**sans**: tell that to the fluffy bunny books you make me read every night

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT

**sans**: heeeey, no shaming fluffy bunny bro

**sans**: i know you love it 

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: ARGHHh SANS stop exposing me in front of my cool friend!!!!

**sans**: you mean the one currently with lemon juice in her eyes

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: YES, EXACTLY

**sans**: got it

**sans**: althooooooough

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: Oh no. Needlessly drawn out spelling. Brother what are you about to curse us with.

**sans**: nothin

**sans**: i was just thinking, now that we’ve swapped an all, suppose you’re the one that’s gotta read me fluffy bunny now, right?

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: WE HAVE NOT SWAPPED AND I SHALL DO NO SUCH THING BROTHER

**sans**: hah, avoiding responsibilities, classic papyrus

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: SANS I AM NOT AFRAID TO BECOME AN ONLY CHILD

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: AND HONESTLY THE WORST PART OF ALL OF THIS IS THAT YOU’RE NOT EVEN TRYING TO BE ME

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: IF YOU MUST INSIST ON KEEPING THIS BIT GOING, AT THE VERY LEAST PULL YOUR OWN WEIGHT AS WELL WITH GREAT PAPYRUS INSPIRED ACTIONS

**sans**: who’s to say i’m not

**sans**: i’m on jog right now 

**sans**: i’m hooting about how great i am too

**sans**: the magnificent sans they call me 

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: The “magnificent” Sans???

**sans**: yup

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: Brother the only magnificent thing about you is your ability to eat large quantities of junk food whenever people aren’t looking

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: But I’m looking Sans

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: I’m looking down on you 

**sans**: cause i’m short?

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: I actually wasn’t implying that at all brother, so you just slammed yourself

**sans**: oh damn

**sans**: guess i did

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: Anyways, I suppose if you’re me now, you’re cleaning the house from now on?

**sans**: uh

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: The dishes, the laundry, vacuuming, all of those wonderful house hold chores you’ve been missing out on for all these years!

**sans**: okay annnnnd cut

**sans**: end scene

**sans**: great goof everyone, we did it, we can go home now

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: They’re waiting Sans

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: They’re calling out for you

**sans**: tell em they got the wrong number

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: YOU CAN’T AVOID CHORES FOREVER SANS

**sans**: not with that attitude 

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: NYYEHHHHHHHHHHHH

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: CRISIS AVERTED BITCHES

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: 

**AnywaysHeresWaterfall**: Wait what the fuck happened here

**NYEHINTENSIFIES**: Nothing!!!

**sans**: don’t worry about it

  
  


~~~

  
  


Papyrus is happily dusting off his wardrobe when Sans is suddenly behind him, definitely _not_ startling Papyrus in anyway shape or form. 

“Hey bro, what chu up to?” Sans asks, a cheeky grin on his face that shows he knows exactly what he did. Papyrus just sighs and puts his hands on his hips.

“Cleaning, brother, a ritual that you appear to be unfamiliar with regardless of the timeline,” Papyrus replies back, tone bone dry.   
  


...

Heh.

“It’s a gift,” Sans replies shamelessly, before flopping up on Papyrus’s bed and immediately making himself at home on his recently made bed, “Damn, why’s your bed always so much more comfier than mine?”

“It probably has something to do with the fact that I take care of it and don’t just throw all of my blankets in a ball at the end,” Papyrus comments dryly, ignoring Sans mumbled comment of, “Nah, that's probably not it”, and instead pocketing his cloth in his cleaning apron and going over to poke at his brother, “Now get up, you’re wrinkling all my sheets!” 

“No,” Sans buries his face into Papyrus’s pillow, voice muffled, “this is my bed now,” Papyrus’s face twists into something fond, but he quickly wipes it off and puts on one of exasperation. His brother would have pounced on that weakness in an instant if he saw. 

“Sans, if you’re going to sleep at this time of the day, do it in your own room-“ Papyrus begins, but-

“I ran into some of those Dreemurr kids again today,” his brother just pipes up with suddenly, apparent deciding to just ignore Papyrus’s complaints completely now, “remember the tall one with the green and yellow sweater? Did you know they had siblings?” 

Papyrus briefly stops attempting to drag his brother off the bed, (a fruitless attempt, Sans could be stubbornly hard to budge when he chose to be) his expression thoughtful for a moment. His eyes light up in recognition quickly. Oh yeah, he remembers alright.

“You mean Kris? The human you claimed to have “totally owned” the first week we move here? They did mention to young siblings and an older brother, which you would of known if you hadn’t spent your whole conversation with them messing with them,” Papyrus quirks an unimpressed eyebrow as Sans snickers to himself,

“That phone call prank is a classic bro,”

“It’s ridiculous,”

“Your face is ridiculous,” Sans grumbles back, before yawning slightly and getting back on track, “anyways, you know how I offered for them to come hang out?”

“Yes, that was definitely a perfectly normal and socially acceptable thing to ask a teenager years younger than us,” _his brother sometimes, honestly-_

“Hey, you…” Sans yawns again, “you still went along with it didn’t you?”

“Of course I did! The Great Papyrus is never one to turn down a fan! Even though I am still slightly bitter you decided to bail out last minute and leave me with a complete stranger's child…,” Papyrus shakes his head, “but, what is your point here brother?”

Sans is silent in response, and it takes Papyrus a moment to realise his brother has actually started to doze off.

“Unbelievable,” Papyrus whispers, eyes a little wide. His brother's ability to fall asleep at any moment never failed to amaze. His brow then furrows. On one hand, he should probably wake him up. Because, honestly, they were in the middle of talking! And, it wasn’t even his bed! But…

Sans unconscious rolls over a little, revealing part of his worn out face underneath his unkept mop of hair. He _had_ been working extra hours recently. Papyrus knows Sans says they’re doing well financially and that he shouldn’t worry but...well there had to be some reason his lazy brother was working longer than he had to. 

Papyrus sighs again and gets up, mentally checking his chore list of what he still had left to do. Maybe he could even add cleaning the war zone that was his brothers room to it, despite his stance to never to do when Sans perfectly could himself. Even if it was just straightening out his utter mess of a bed...

He could ask Sans about the humans in the morning. 


End file.
